It's so frustrating not to be able to use a new thing. I can't stop thinking about my new orange bike. I bought it, rode and fell off it one day then had to leave it. It's like getting a new ipod and not being able to load music onto- but that's happened too. I have the feeling with this bike like I used to with new dolls or school shoes with a heel, you love them so much you want to sleep next to them.
Speaking of sleeping next to something and not using it, since when did erectile disfunction adverts make it to TV? The man in the advert is wearing pyjamas. Now either that is suppossed to suggest that sexual intercourse is about to happen, 'get excited everyone, I've got my pinstriped ones on!' or this state is shown as something to avoid, 'do you really want to end up as a sad pyjamaed bastard too?'
The worst thing is, now you have to call in! A hotline for the Soft Penis Crew, how humilating. If I was a guy and had this problem, I'd rather revert back to rooting through my Junk Mail folder and doing things the impersonal way. Or I'd probably tell my wife to stop wearing that fucking beige nighty, as is suggested in the advert.
You know she shouldn't have spent 180 quid on a day when your mum says "I never thought I'd be rather be standing in the queue for the porta-loos than watching Bob Dylan" before descending to a tent which looks like a deflated balloon and getting into her beige nightie. It's even worse when you agree bed's the best option because the Carlsberg's turned flat and warm (after making it last half the time it takes to get it), and the fact they're playing Foo Fighters in the break between acts is a saving grace.
First English festival in two years, and the times really are not a-changin'.
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